Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
