I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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