He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if only i could text you this smell
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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