dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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