why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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