just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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