If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
