He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
