Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
