you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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