Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
