So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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