Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
