There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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