You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
