i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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