Cold hands, warm shart.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize