Already got asked if we're dating
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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