just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
