He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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