if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
