I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
