I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
