Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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