Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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