You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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