its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My penis needs a shock collar
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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