Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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