what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I looked at my own cervix.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
