he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
