girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am available for nakedness
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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