whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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