Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
where are you?
Hypothermia
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
