sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
