Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
