Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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