dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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