i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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