he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
