Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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