tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
