how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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