he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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