I didn't shave. On purpose
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize