wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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