just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
