His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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