I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
