he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm like, not good at living.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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