we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
