In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She bit a glass in half.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
