I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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