I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
