Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
