I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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