some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
bring money and cleavage
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
