I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
