'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drake has all the answers
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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