Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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