the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
