I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
