Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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