its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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