I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
