Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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