Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize