it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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