I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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