You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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